The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only -- please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's most interesting relationship questions and chiming right in. From nightmare first dates to exploring new fetishes, we're leaving no corner of the internet unexplored.

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Respect My Mourning Process

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom (I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet-the-parents-for-the-first-time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

He has shoes older than this relationship, he needs to just cut his losses and break up with her. If she’s upset about it, well, then at least it’ll make for a good lunch talk with mother. I can’t even imagine the other boundaries she probably ignores if she can’t even follow this obvious one. Read the rest of the thread here.

I Can't Get Over Being Told To Get 'Healthier'

I’m still processing this several days later and trying to decide if, after a pretty great 14 months of dating, I should break up with him. “Joe” and I met on a dating site. I thought he was a catfish at first because he retired young and is widowed, but no, he’s real, local, and while he’s a little older than I usually date, he’s fun and very attentive, is proactive about planning dates, super thoughtful, and very affectionate. We typically go hiking on the weekend. Being retired, he hikes EVERY DAY and is in great shape. I work a four-10s schedule and do a lot of volunteer work. I don’t exercise regularly and am what my friends have said is “curvy.”

This weekend, during our hike, Joe started getting ahead of me. After a while, I noticed that he had his phone up to his ear. I thought he must have gotten a phone call and didn’t realize he was getting ahead of me. But he just kept going until he got to the top and sat on a bench to wait for me. When I got to the top, I jokingly asked if the slow girl could join him. “I guess that was kind of rude,” he commented. Then said, “Are you ready for a frank discussion?”

He proceeded to tell me that now that my kids (22M, 20M,18M) were all away at college, I needed to spend more time focused on my health. He never said weight, always “health.”

“When we first started dating, I thought that being in a relationship would motivate you to get healthy…”

“I need my girlfriend— you— to be healthy.”

“You would feel so much better about yourself if you were healthier…”

I asked him if he had intentionally left me behind and he said he was just walking at his normal pace, I was slow. I asked if he had been on a phone call. No, was listening to music because he was bored.

He’s not wrong — I do need/want to lose weight. But I also work a lot, am menopausal, and have a lot of responsibilities. The relationship has been pretty good. I hate to end it over this, but I’m having a hard time getting past the idea that this has clearly been an issue since the beginning (I’m actually a few pounds lighter than when we met) and I’ve been thinking he loves me as I am.

My ex-husband regularly insulted me about my weight when I was much “healthier” than I am now. I’ve been separated and divorced for 14 years, and this is only the second and longest LTR I’ve been in since my divorce.

Do I walk away and free him up to find someone more to his liking?

Since she wants this goal herself, it sounds to me like he was finally holding her accountable, though I guess he still could've been a bit softer. I get her pride was hurt, but I think she’d be throwing away a golden opportunity to improve herself by quitting this relationship. Read the rest of the thread here.

My Brother-In-Law Is A Creep And Weirdo

I (34M) just found out that my sister's husband has a sick sexual interest toward my wife. Writing about the situation makes me feel sad, angry, and sick to my stomach all at once. He has made several attempts to hit on my wife behind my back when I was on a business trip overseas. He constantly comments on my wife's appearance or makes inappropriate physical contact when I'm not around.

I believe my wife by all my heart, she has done nothing wrong.

My sister, who is 3 years older than me, is my only sibling, and she doesn't know anything about the situation. My wife and I have already told my BIL to stay away from us, but my sister and I live just under a mile away from each other, and she likes to arrange constant meetups between our families. So, seeing her family once in a while is inevitable.My wife and I really want her husband out of our life by telling her what her sick husband has done, but it might also mean that either her family or the bond between us will break apart. It will also break me if I see my sister and niece heartbroken.

What should I do?

Edit: The reason I know what my BIL did is because my wife told me herself. She shared all the incidents she had with him, and everything made her feel unsafe and gross.

I don’t really get the turmoil, this guy’s a creep and the quicker he’s left to be by himself, the better. Nobody is holding their breath he’ll change, I think that says enough if you’re still doubting his actions. You’ve given him many chances, now is the time for some harsher actions. Read the rest of the thread here.

Check out last week's edition here.

[Image: Pixabay]